


My Future

by bucciaratiscum



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Child Abuse, Circus, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Past Abuse, Slow To Update, Soulmates, hisoka is angry, hisoka is sad, i havent written fics in years, illumi is sad, its prob not good idk, this is my first ao3 story and first hxh story, thought of this at 4 am listening to billie eillish
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:33:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26676736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bucciaratiscum/pseuds/bucciaratiscum
Summary: soulmate letter au- each week after you turn 16 a person recieves a letter from their soul mate. the way you find your soulmate is through a certain phrase on each letter (corresponds to a song) . all other information on the letter is up to the writer. you dont have to write on this but Hisoka and Illumi end up doing that. Idk how to write summaries lmao uh idk im just kind of doing this to release thoughts/comfort myself :/
Relationships: Hisoka & Illumi Zoldyck, Hisoka/Illumi Zoldyck
Kudos: 58





	1. one

**Author's Note:**

> Hi i havent written a fic in years and still figuring out ao3. this wont be updated super often i just want to be able to write this well :)

The roar of the crowd filled Hisokas ears. Sweat dripping down his painted cheeks, his smile wavering as he kept his eyes on the audience. The lights shut off and he quickly moves out of position and runs off to the back. He pushes through the rush of other people trying to set up the next act, people yelling, animals whimpering, clowns laughing. Finally, he reaches the outside of the tent, hands on his knees and panting heavily. 

"Fuck- I hate this."

Hisoka clenches his teeth together and stands up straight. He sharply inhales and slowly exhales before striding over to a little stand selling snacks and drinks. 

"The usual" 

The man behind the stand immediately reaches behind the counter and grabs a packet of gum and hands it to Hisoka. Hisoka hands the man a few coins and begins to walk to a little trailer.

As he walks towards the trailer he sees a smaller tiger whimpering inside of a cage. He stops in front of the cage and glances over to the tiger. Its eyes were filled with pain,loneliness, sadness. His eyebrows clenched, he hesitated for a moment but he quickly ran back to the snack stand.

After buying any food involving meat, he returns to the cage and hands it to the tiger. The tiger happily ate the food given to it. As Hisoka watched it eat, a small, genuine, smile formed on his face.

"We will get through this, and then we will get revenge on all of those who had more power than us, all of those who tortured us. We have to fight."

He continued to the trailer doors, when he arrived he waited and listened for a moment before slowly opening the squeaky door. Hisoka sighed and walked into to the super small bathroom and closing the curtains.

-

"Illumi!"

"Yes father."

The tall boy quickly turned around and walked out of the spacious room, the large door quietly closing behind him. He began to walk down the long, empty, hall before stopping and looking to his side.

"What is it Kil?"

The kid he referred to as Kil walked over to him 

"I dont want to go to this stupid Heavens Arena place Illumi, and fight people why cant I just stay here or go find some friends to play with?"

The older boy known as Illumi stared at Kil before letting out a light chuckle.

"my precious little brother... look Killua"

His eyes were dark and seemingly empty as he watched Killuas expression.

" You know us assassins dont need something so useless as friends. So get that idiotic fantasy out of your head. Your family is all you need"

Killua furrowed his eyebrows in anger

"You know thats not true Illu! Youre 16 years old havent you ever wanted to go and talk to someone else other than this stupid stuck up evil family? Emotionless Jerk!"

Killua ran off down the hall. Illumis eyes widened as he watched him run off.

"I'm an assassin of the Zoldyck family, I- I cant have anyone who would get in my way."

When he brought his head back up, any sign of emotion on his face had left and he continued down the dark hallway. 

-

Hisoka fell against the small futon on the floor releasing a long sigh. Water dripped from his hair onto the hard floor. 

When Hisoka went to lay on his side he saw a small white letter next to his futon.

His curiosity instantly rose and he sat up while grabbing the letter. His damp fingers caused the paper to get wet as he opened the letter.

When he scanned it, the letter was blank except for the end.

"I'm in love with my future? why is this the only thing it says? What is this?"

Hisoka turned the letter to its back, failing to find any clues as to who left this and why he recieved it. Slightly annoyed he sat the letter back down next to him and laid down.

"Maybe tomorrow..."

-

Illumi finished tying his hair into a low bun and went to sit down on his large bed. As he walked over to it, he saw his nightstand drawer was slightly open.

He instantly was on alert and opened the drawer carefully. But- there was just a small white letter.

"An invitation? Is this Kil's doing?"

He picked up the letter with two if his slender fingers, closely examining the paper. He began to open it but found nothing of importance

" 'I'm in love with my future?' this cant be..."

Illumi turned the letter to its back and found nothing else on it except for those few letters at the end.

"This must be the soulmate thing thats been going around theres no way for me to have a soulmate."

Illumi walked over to his desk and grabbed a small purple gel pen. He sat the letter on the desk holding it down with his left hand and began writing with the other.

" 'Not funny Kil. You still must complete your missions "

He had a small smile and put the pen back. He then neatly folded the letter and left it on top of the desk.

He turned the light out and than laid in bed.

"Same thing tomorrow..."


	2. duo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> uh hisoka and illumi. illumi sad. hisoka anger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hi again :) idk when im gonna time skip them into being older i mean its what i originally planned but ya know plans change ig i hope you like this chap as well then. i write all of these at like 2-3/4 am or later in the early am so it could literally be anything my mind goes wild then i forget all about it

Hisokas eyes shot open as he felt the hard whip hit him against his ribs.

"You dirty child! You know you have no right tah be gettin beauty sleep!"

Hisoka narrowed his eyes towards a small man standing over him. his short dyed blonde hair unkept, a brown stained wife beater lazily tucked into dirty jeans. His knuckles turned white as his anger towards Hisoka still not getting up, grew.

Hisoka noticed the man raising the whip again and he instantly stood up and bowed towards the shorter man.

"I apologize sir, last night was tough"

The man returned the whip to his side and began to walk out after spitting on the floor by the trailer door.

A dark aura began to rapidly grow around hisokas slender figure. He tightened his fist harder and harder until his palms began to bleed.

"Soon...Soon just a little more time and then.."

He raised his head towards the metal ceiling and let out a little groan whilst smiling

"I can slaughter them all!"

He dropped his head back down and opened his fists. He let out a heavy sigh before looking back at where the letter from last night was. But now there were two. 

He bent down towards them and picked them up. One was a letter like the one from last night and the other had his name written on the front.

He quickly opened it and scanned over the letter

" 'Not funny Kil. You still must complete your missions' ? Who is Kil? was this supposed to be sent to me? and it has that same line from last night at the bottom... I wonder-"

Hisoka quickly ran over to his small kitchen drawers and searched for a sort of writing device. After a little while he found a slightly dried out pen. He opened the letter that was like the one last night and began to write on it

" 'I can't wait to test my power. Won't it be fun to watch them suffer? I am sick of them all. It is time I take control and work towards my own future, I desire. I want to fight and kill all of those that are more powerful than I. That is the only way I can be satisfied' "

He folded the letter back up and dropped it on the futon before going to get ready for another day of torture.

-

-  
Illumi shifted around his bed before letting out a sigh. He removed the covers from his body and sat up in his bed.

He stared down at his pale hands. One by one, he rubbed his finger tips against each other. Moving his right hand to glide up his left arm to his shoulder. He began to feel his very protruding collar bone and shoulder blades. As he touched them, his eyes began to fill with dissatisfaction. 

He then closed his eyes and began to feel his face. His eyes, nose, lips, cheeks, ears. Gliding his hand across each part slowly. 

Illumi released another sigh. He pulled his hand away and opened his eyes to still only be met with darkness.

"Is it normal to be this alone when you are this young? Is this how the life of a 16 year old should be? Mother and father...they wouldnt lie to me, right? I am the eldest afterall."

He sat in silence for a moment, staring at nothing. Then he remembered the letter. Illumi rose from bed and walked over to his desk. There was only one letter.

"Kil must've left it here?"

He opened the letter to see if it was the same one he wrote on last night, but, his word were not there. 

Slightly annoyed he grabbed a pen again and wrote:

" 'Still not funny Kil. You have a bad sense of humor, even for a 6 year old' "

He sat the pen down and stared at the letter, confusion and sadness began showing on his pale face.

"Then again- would I even know what its like to have a sense of humor? I've always been-"

There was knock in his door. Illumi put his guard up immediately. The door slowly opened to reveal Kikyo.

"Illumi, dear, are you ready for today?" 

Illumi let down his guard and casted his eyes down towards his feet. 

"...of course"

Kikyo quickly walked over to Illumi and rested her bandaged hand on his face.

"Oh dear Illumi! Are you nervous? This is a really big mission you must do well you are the eldest child! Though you may not be the next head, you myst always do your jobs well for our family!"

Illumis eyes widened a little at her comment but he immediately masked his pain and nodded

"Of course mother. I will do my job well and properly. I'm taking care of the unruly circus right?"

Kikyo chuckled and walked back towards the door. 

"Indeed. Your father and I will be waiting. If you do anything under what we expect, prepare for the punishment of a lifetime!"

She laughed and walked out of the room and down the hall. 

Illumi took his hair out and went to his closest.

"Kil was right."

-

"And that was Hisoka the magician!!!! Sit tight because the next act.."

Hisoka blocked out the announcers voice as he ran back stage to get ready for his next act. He grabbed a bottle of water so he could relax a little, but, the same small guy from the morning snatched it out his hand.

"You disgusting little shit! I feed you and give you a place to stay and thats the performance you give me?! That was fucking terrible!"

Hisoka was scared, but then anger and excite began to replace his fear.

"Boss, I apologize for my sloppy performance but the crowd did seem to prefer this performance over any of my others-"

The man Hisoka referred to as "Boss", began to turn red with anger. He ripped off his own belt and raised it towards Hisoka. As he began to swing down at the poor child, Hisoka smirked.

The belt had stopped in the middle of moving.

"Wh- What the hell is happening?! What are you doing, brat?!"

The belt then began to rabidly smack the Boss in his own face. He screamed in fear and confusion for a while.

"This is what I call, Bungee gum."

Hisoka grinned until the Boss fell to the floor. He widened his eyes in shock. Behind where the boss was previously standing, there was a tall figure with long hair. His light blue outfit stood out amongst the warm colors of the circus. 

Hisoka formed his bungee gum again, ready to attack the new person. The figure began to step closer to him.

"Who might you be? What did you do to this man?"

The person stepped into the light, revealing himself to be Illumi Zoldyck. He bent down and removed a pin from the boss' body and stood back up.

"Are you also one of the leaders here?"

Illumi went to look into Hisokas eyes and his heart jumped. Hisokas eyes widened as if he had the same reaction when looking at him.

Hisoka was about to attack Illumi with his bungee gum but Illumi spoke

"I can see your nen. You should work on concealing it more. Oh- you still havent answered me."

Illumis face and voice remained emotionless, despite the increasing pace of his heart. Hisoka shook his head in response to Illumis question.

"I see. Well, I'll go now." 

"Wait! Tell me who you are. Why are you here?"

Illumi had begun to walk away but stopped in his tracks before answering his question.

"I couldn't disclose such information to someone so weak and pathetic."

Illumi continued to walk away until he vanished.

Hisoka ran out of the circus house and searched for Illumi. As he searched, he found many of the people he had worked with had either vanished or they were dead on the floor.

He ran back to his home finding that it was still intact. He immediately went to the letters on the floor. He opened the letter he had wrote on before and began to write again.

" 'I dont know what these letters mean. But, I am finally free. It wasn't my own powers but someone else who seemed so powerful. I want to be as strong as him. Stronger. Strong enough to kill him. After I wrote on this letter I became free. So- I must continue.' "

Hisoka put the pen and letters into his pocket with a smile on his face before leaving the trailer.


	3. threeee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there is a timeskip- they are both like 26 :D also crappy chapter kinda

Illumi opened his daily letter. His usually emotionless heart was filled with a sense of purpose and slight joy.

"I found a person who peaked my interest yesterday.  
I do hope he is worth my time.  
I havent had any fun in so long.  
no blood stained clothes or skin surrounding me.  
just constant work."

-"im in love with my future"

Illumi closed the letter and pulled out a blank sheet from another envelope. He stared blankly at it for a while. His long hair in a low bun. he pushed some flyaways out of his face and began to write.

"I never quite understood what the words at the end of each of these letters meant. does it predict a good future for me? one where I can be free from this life? Well, whatever it is. It probably is all just a game for someone right?"

He sighed and closed his letter. He started another mission today.

-

Hisoka turned to look out his window, a smirk formed across his lips. He looked back down at what was in his hand.

"who could be receiving these messages and why? is there someone trying to save me or help me? i will find out eventually. maybe the more i write the more i will figure out from the letters i receive.

-im in love with my future"

"So...these are supposed to connect you to your soulmate is that right? That line at the end is the key to finding them?"

He folded the letter and stood up.

"But for now, I think its time for me to go have some fun."

He began to undo the tie around his neck as he walked towards his door. When he walked out, men in black suits were lined up in front of the door. One on the right end walked towards Hisoka.

"Sir, the man who you requested should arrive later tonight. Is there a particular reason why you'd need someone like him? Couldn't you do those types of jobs yourself?"

Hisoka laughed as he continued out of a see through door. He stood letting his short red hair blow in the wind, suit undone. He sharply inhaled the air and rested his long fingers on his chest.

"Oh you see, he is here to have some fun with me."

Fear settled on the other mans face, knowing exactly what Hisoka meant by "fun".

"I see sir, well I hope this one serves you well. I'll go prepare for the meeting." 

The man walked back inside of the fancy building leaving Hisoka by himself. His smirk faded as he stared into the empty sky, clenching his own chest. His eyes only showed immense loneliness, pain. 

"Its still not enough."

He looked down at his own hand and let out a breathy chuckle.

"Oh well, I just have to keep on doing what I have been."

-

Illumi looked up at the tall building

"Ah- so this is the place"

He opened the doors and was immediately greeted by two men in black suits. He was already on guard without showing it until the men bowed at him.

"Welcome sir Illumi, we will lead you to the leader. Please follow us."

The men rose again and began walking towards an elevator. Illumi followed, noticing the dark yet fancy decor of the area. Along the way to this leader, there were some questionable decorative items such as a wall dedicated to different packs of playing cards, circus props, face makeup collections, specifically intended for clowns and a lot of...gum? Illumi concluded that this person was someone very different from him, someone who had the time to grow and develop interest and hobbies, something he couldn't relate to. 

Finally they were in front of a large door. Illumi looked at the suited man who just nodded, indicating that he could enter. Illumi looked back in front of him and opened the door. As soon as he finished fully entering, he closed the door again. 

"Sir? I'm the one you asked for."

The tall man at the window turned and his eyes immediately lit up when staring at Ilumi, It was evident in Illumis eyes as well. That feeling of loneliness suddenly disappeared between the two of them.

Hisoka smiled and walked around his desk to stand in front of Illumi. He leaned back against his desk, slightly sitting on it.

His yellow orbs stared deeply into Illumis black ones. Illumi stood focused, never taking his eyes off the red haired man. But, his mind was in shambles, attempting to understand his emotions.

_"What was that feeling when we locked eyes? He had the same look. I felt- what did I feel? Lighter? It was as if the sight of him made me feel okay?"_

Hisoka reached his hand towards Illumis sharp chin. But, Illumi quickly grabbed his wrist before he could reach him, his blank, emotionless face had returned.

"What is it that you need from me? I'd rather not waste any time..."

Illumi quickly looked over at the name plate resting on his desk.

"Hisoka."

Hisokas grin grew, he pulled his hand back towards him, causing Illumi to lean forward and be closer to him. He continued to stare at Illumi and licked his slightly red lips. Illumi kept eye contact with him, refusing to fall for his creepy and seductive actions.

Hisoka then moved his free hand to some papers behind him and showed them to Illumi.

"A contract. Its pretty simple really, you do what I say, you stay with me, and you get paid."

Illumi released his hold on Hisoka and stood straight to grab the papers from Hisokas hand.

"I'm an assassin, this doesn't quite sound like something meant for me. I will not be your servant."

Hisokas grin continued to grow wider.

"Oh please, I wouldnt ever stop you from killing. There is one last part of this contract, Whenever I decide I want this to be over, one of us will have to kill the other!"

Illumi's eyes slightly widened as he looked over at Hisokas menacing face, a deadly aura seeping out from him.

"Is that so? Well, I guess I can do that. Good pay and not much to do."

The red haired man chuckled as he watched Illumi sign his name. When he finished he scanned over his signature and his heart slightly jumped. He felt as if he had seen this handwriting very recently.

Hisoka quickly sat the papers down and grabbed Illumis hand and brought it up to his lips.

"Lets have lots of fun and be the closest of friends, Illumi."

Hisoka softly kissed his hand and smiled. Illumis breath stopped for a moment before he could process a response.

"Y-yeah sure."


	4. 04

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took p long though like i said slow updates i write this for my own comfort on my own time. but this chapter is kinda crappy

Illumi sat on a couch inside of Hisokas office. He was leaned forward completing a puzzle of a circus because Hisoka claimed "it was the best way to get to know more about him."

Hisoka sat at his desk talking to multiple people on the phone. At times he would only stare at Illumi, watching and analyzing each and every one of his moves. 

At the end of Hisokas call, he stood up with a drawn out sigh, closely resembling a moan. Illumi glanced over at him, eyes locking onto his figure.

His maroon suit showed his beautiful figure. As Illumi examined him more, his eyes began to focus on his firm thighs. 

"Illumi, are you ready?"

Hisoka looked down to see Illumi spaced out and staring at his figure. Intrigued, he leaned his hands against his desk and stared right back at Illumi.

"Oh my, do you like what you see my dear?"

Illumi jumped realizing what was happening before standing up and looking away.

"Sorry. It won't happen again. What shall we do now?"

Hisoka chuckled and went to the exit of his office. He pointed at his shirt buttons.

"Come undo these for me."

Illumi let out an audible gasp in response to the command. But, he simply nodded and went to Hisoka. Illumis pale, slightly rough, fingers grabbed onto his shirt buttons and began to undo them. 

Hisoka watched him in amusement until he got to the middle button. He grabbed Illumis chin and forced him to look up at him.

Embarrassed, confused and uncomfortable, Illumi looked away.

"Oh sweetie. Look at me."

Hisoka was serious, his usual flirtatious tone was gone. Illumi slightly frowned and looked into his bright orbs causing Hisoka to grin

"Lets go have some fun shall we?"

-

"Come! Come! I know you can do more than that. Try to kill me, my dear"

Illumi stood back up and pushed some of his hair behind his ear.

Hisoka was rubbing his neck, his smirk widening as he watched Illumi get ready to attack him again.

"If I may ask, was this what I was hired for?"

Illumi walked towards him, pulling three pins out of his pocket.

"Now, youre just here to do whatever I say. You belong to me."

Hisoka pushed his hair back and watched Illumi approached him.

Suddenly, Illumi was behind him and had the three pins at his neck. Hisoka jumped away before running back at him and began to throw punches.

As they fought, their attacks flowed perfectly at one another. They dodged and attack with such elegance and precision as if they were dancing. 

_No matter how I may try to outsmart this clown, he dodges it and he just keeps smiling and moaning. But- But something about him feels so familiar and comforting? His eyes are so.. warm?_

"Come on little one, dont get distracted!"

Hisoka's card cut open a small part of Illumis' chest and he immediately fell back.

"Oh my dear.." Hisoka lightly chuckled while looking out of the window towards the darkening sky. He squatted to face Illumi, crouched and holding his wound. Illumi turned his head away, his blank facade desprately hanging on to mask the pain. His smirk vanished and there was a hint of concern in his eyes "You know how much it pains me to see you like this. You're just not ready to die yet." 

Illumi finally looked back into Hisokas eyes. His heart jumping when catching the glint of concern in Hisokas yellow eyes. Illumi dropped his head. There was that strong sense of familiarity again. Hisoka smiled warmly, "Would you like some help?" Hisoka stood and reached out his beautiful hand towards Illumis dirty, bloody, worn out figure. Illumi slowly took his hand, anger and confusion forming on his face. He kept his head down, refusing to be drawn in by those eyes again.

"Illumi."

Illumi looked up at Hisoka. Hisoka stood still for a while, staring down at Illumis hands. He began to slowly caress them. Illumi became more confused as they sat together in silence.

"What did you need?"

"Illumi. Do you get good letters? Do you enjoy them?"

Illumi was slightly surprised when hearing his question, but, did his best to not release much emotion.

"Well, they are fine I guess, Nothing special"

Hisoka let go of Illumis hand and looked back at him. He stared into his eyes for a moment before smiling.

"I see, well then go get cleaned up little one. I'll be waiting. We have business to attend to."

Illumi scoffed and quickly walked out of the large training room.

-  
Illumi looked down at his now covered up wound and sighed. He began to put on a normal black and white suit due to this "business" he apparently had to attend to with Hisoka.

Its been a similar routine for the past month. Illumi would either go complete side missions for his family or sit around in Hisokas office until Hisoka called him to go have "fun".

Illumi picked up the folded paper sitting next to him.

He looked forward to his soulmates letters. Each day was slightly better because of them. His soulmate began to simply write random facts or quotes and would occasionally add his own thing to say.

Illumi opened the letter and scanned over it.

"Did you know, When injured, plants can cry for help via a chemical phone call to the roots. Unfortunately I don't have any roots to call out to. 

Maybe one day, we can be eachothers?

-Im in love with my future."

Illumi was slightly confused at the new tone of the letter. He quickly reached into his own pocket to find his own as well as a pen. He opened it and pressed it against the sink in front of him"

"The days have been getting easier to adjust to. I still feel confused and fairly alone but a little warmer. But, who are you?

-im in love with my future"

Illumi quickly put the letters away and finished getting ready.

-

The two men sat together in the back of a car heading back to Hisokas building after a business meeting. 

Hisoke rubbed his pointer and middle finger against his forehead while sighing.

"Is something bothering you?"

Illumi was leaning his head on his hand while facing the window.

"Why would that matter to you? You've never cared before, whats so different now?"

Illumi sucked his teeth and looked over at Hisoka. His head now rested in his hands while he bended over.

"You look like a mess. Besides, didn't you say 'we will become the closest of friends'?"

Hisokas eyes shot open in shock. Never before had he experienced someone caring for him in such a way. His heart began to tighten. He sat up and grabbed Illumi's head and put it against his own.

"Yes, thats right my little one. We will be. But, I feel better now."

Illumi sat there in shock, his face flushed red and Hisokas smile beamed at him.

He pulled his head back and ran his fingers through Illumi's hair.

"I know, how about a date?"

Illumi gasped and furrowed his brows.

"What the hell did you just say?"

Hisoka grabbed Illumi's hand and genuinely laughed and closed eyes.

"A date! You and me my dear. Its not like you have a choice though!"

Illumi pulled away and faced back towards the window. He bit his lip as his face flushed.

_What is this? What am I feeling? Why do I feel so satisfied?_


End file.
